Freedom: We love a good joke around here. Have you heard this one?
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window:
Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign says you have to be good with a computer.”
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and presented it to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”
The dog jumped down, went to the sign in the window and put his paw on the sentence that mentioned being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, “Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.”
The dog looked him straight in the face and said, “Meow.”
Casper: Ha ha ha! Good one, Freedom. I like this one.
A man decided to go on a safari. He took his faithful dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long the dog discovers he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks, “Oh boy, I’m in deep stuff now.” Then he notices some bones lying nearby on the ground and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, “That was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?”
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew”, says the leopard. “That was close. That dog nearly had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey who has been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.
So off he goes. But the dog sees him heading off after the leopard and figures that something is amiss. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans about the dog’s ruse and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Hop on my back, monkey, and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.” Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “Oh boy, it looks like I’ve really had it now.”
But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to the leopard and the monkey and pretends that he hasn’t seen them. And just when they get close enough to hear him, the dog says, “Where is that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to get me another leopard, and he’s still not back.”
Nikki: You guys are killin’ me! Here’s my favorite.
A woman brings her parrot to the vet. The parrot is stiff and lifeless.
“I’m sorry ma’am, but this parrot is dead.”
“How can you tell so quickly?” replies the woman. “Isn’t there a way to be absolutely certain?”
So, the vet whistles and a beautiful black Labrador Retriever walks in the examining room. The Lab sniffs around the parrot for a few moments, then looks at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.
“A dog shakes its head and I’m supposed to believe that?!” cries the woman. “You’re going to have to do more to prove that my poor parrot is dead!”
So, the vet leaves momentarily, comes back with a cat and puts it on the table beside the parrot. The cat looks closely at the parrot, walks around it, prods it a bit, then shakes his head and jumps off the table.
Finally, the woman seems convinced. As she turns for the door, the vet announces that she owes him $500.
“$500?!” the woman asks. “How in the world could it be that much just to tell me my parrot is dead?”
“Well, it would have been a lot cheaper, but with that lab report and cat scan…”